All Again For You
by Fruitey
Summary: You were everything that's bad for me. Make no apologies. I'm crushed, black, and blue but you know I'd do it all again for you. BxE
1. Strong

"All Again For You" by We The Kings as a story. If you haven't heard the song, LISTEN NOW!!!! It is amazing.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything. Hope you enjoy!

Bella

"Bella, do you really need all that?" My mom, Renee, asked, as I was about to put my gray sweatshirt in my suitcase. Although I hardly had any clothes to pack, Renee kept on me like a hawk. Her always-disapproving eyes scanned my single suitcase and traveled down my scrawny body, making me feel self-conscious.

"Yeah, it'll be cold there," I heard myself say. My voice made that high-pitched sound it always did when I talked to my mom. She sighed.

"I'll be waiting in the car. We have to get going soon, so don't take long." And with that she disappeared. I heard the door slam, and let out a sigh of relief.

It was official—I was leaving. This time, for good.

I gave my room a once-over and said my goodbyes. It's not like the room held any good memories. Quite the opposite, actually. I threw on my beat up hoodie, blaring the name of Phoenix's high school's football team on it, (though I was never actually _at_ the games. Sports weren't really my thing) and grabbed my suitcase.

My parents had split when I was six. My dad, Charlie, relocated to Forks while my mother stayed in Phoenix. Every summer since the split I'd visit my mother in Phoenix. At first, I was fine with that—I loved the warm weather and large buildings. Renee was always welcoming, even if she wasn't always there. She went out a lot and often came home after midnight, but I was a big girl now. I took care of myself.

The hard thing about my mom was that she never used to be like that. She was responsible, a little crazy here and there, but always loving. When I was little, she spoiled me as much as possible and made me laugh and gave me her full attention.

But after the breakup with my dad, I noticed she'd...changed. It was hard...realizing my mother didn't love me as much. She didn't care as much. And then I slowly started figuring out why this summer.

Renee had been abused. And not just by some random guy, from my father. Charlie. Flashbacks started happening, recurring nightmares in my dreams that were part of my childhood. My subconscious remembered it all—the screams of terror, the yelling, the striking...

So this summer, I put my foot down. I couldn't stay in Phoenix anymore. I couldn't cause my mother so much pain.

Because she wasn't my mother, not anymore. She's changed after Charlie had left her. She'd changed for the worst.

She was a stranger.

I knew that I'd have to go back to Charlie now, with all the horrifying memories in the front of my mind. I wouldn't see him as "dad" anymore. I'd see him as a monster. I'll admit, I was scared. I didn't want to go back to a man who turned my mother into this ghost, like the real Renee had died years ago. I wanted to blame him for everything. I wanted to hate him.

But he was my father.

And whatever he did, past or present or future, he'd always be my father.

He'd be the only family I had.

After I told Renee I wasn't coming back next year, or the year after, she was angry. No, she was _furious._ I think it was because the thought of someone else leaving her was too much to bear. As much as it hurt, I couldn't stay here. Renee wasn't my mother anymore.

Before I could stop them, images flooded back.

_"Mom?" I called from the kitchen. My voice wavered as I continued sautéing the chicken for our dinner. Renee stepped into the room, her hair messy and her eyes bloodshot._

_"What do you want, Bella?" she asked. She was holding a cigarette between her fingers and blowing smoke._

_I cleared my throat. "Well...I've been thinking lately, and I...I don't think I'll be coming next summer."_

_The cigarette dropped from her mouth and onto the floor. She didn't seem to notice. Her eyes were wilder than before, her mouth twisted into a scowl._

_"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"_

_I closed my eyes. "I just don't think I'll be able to—"_

_"Isabella Swan, you are coming back next summer. You are not leaving me."_

_I took a deep breath. "I won't be leaving you, mom, I'm just taking some time—"_

_Renee took a threatening step forward. By Instinct, I took a step back. Suddenly she lunged and gripped my arm tightly. I winced._

"_I am your mother. You are to do as I say!"_

"_Renee, let go of me."_

_Her face boiled and she squeezed tighter. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're to address me as your mother, young lady, because that is who I am!" Her nails dug into my skin. She glared at me before her eyes lifted slightly to just above my eyes._

"_It's embarrassing to call you my daughter, but that is what you are. A mistake, yes, but my mistake. I gave you life. You obey me!" She made a strange sound, like a strangled cry._

"_Are you wearing eyeliner?" she hissed. Before I could respond, she slapped me across the face. My skin tingled, and my eyes began to water from the contact. She ignored it._

"_You slut! You think you're an adult now, don't you? Making decisions without asking me, wearing makeup. You're probably having sex too, in my bed when I'm not home!"_

_I paled. How could she even think that about me?_

"_Bella, you—"_

"Bella! Hurry your ass up!" Renee called, jerking me from my reverie. I realized my face was wet, that I'd been crying. I quickly pulled myself together.

"Coming!"

And, taking one last look at my bedroom, I was gone.

--

Edward

I could hear the shouting and crying even in the confines of my room. Without thinking, I grabbed the razor on the floor, where I'd left it last night, and dragged it along my arm. I needed a way out. It was too much—I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to feel anything.

The numbness started coming, and I sighed in relief. I pushed the blades deeper into my skin, urging the numbness to continue. Anything was better than the thoughts in my head, or the sounds outside my door. Anything.

I stopped myself short. I'd do this later—because there was someone who probably needed comfort more than I did. Someone was suffering worse than me right now.

I tiptoed to the door, as if even the slightest noise would cause a disaster, and creaked my door open a centimeter. The voices were louder, piercing. I sucked in my breath and bolted to the room across from mine. Immediately I locked the door and sank down to the ground.

Safe. Finally.

I could hear the crying still, but this time from inside the room. I bit my lip and went to stand up—but hit my shoulder on the bureau instead. I gasped out.

The sobs stopped at once, followed by nervous gasps. I cursed myself for being so careless.

"It's okay, Alice. It's just me."

My sister peeled herself off an old mattress identical to mine and came slowly toward me. Her shirt was soaked and her eyes were red and blotchy. The sight of my sister's sadness was like a knife to the heart.

Silently she sat at my side and we listened to the noise outside. Even though it was still horrible, at least I wasn't alone.

Our current foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, were at it again. My sister and I had been orphans since we were nine, when our parents died in a fatal accident. Ever since, we've been moved from foster family to foster family, settling in a house that would never be "home." I'd lost track of how many roofs we'd been moved to.

These were our current "parents", fighting again over us—the kids. Mr. and Mrs. Smith had a lot of foster kids, most of them six or younger. They were a horrible influence, always fighting and swearing at each other. Alice and I took care of the little ones, kept them preoccupied while the adults battled it out.

I was a father to them, to the kids and even Alice. I was the tough guy, the one who took care of them all. I wasn't allowed to show any sign of worry in front of them.

But sometimes it was too hard. Sometimes, I broke.

It hadn't always been just Alice and me. We had two other brothers—Jasper and Emmett. We were separated from them in the orphanage, and have been searching for each other ever since.

I closed my eyes—I couldn't think these things. Not now. I needed to stay strong for Alice. For everyone.

I smiled weakly at her and she returned it, though the smile didn't reach her eyes. I was seeing less and less of her happiness these days, and it was like torture.

Alice used to be the most joyful person, always cheering people up, always the optimist. But after Jasper and Emmett were gone, and it started to dawn on her that we might never get out of this mess, her happiness started dwindling. Rapidly. I think I was in denial at first, when she started keeping to herself more. I didn't want to accept the fact that my sister might be slipping away.

Because then I'd be alone.

"Edward," Alice whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I said, just as softly.

She sighed. "I miss you."

I chuckled. "Because it's not like I'm always in here at night,"

She cracked a smile, and I glowed inside. But just as quickly as it'd appeared, it was gone. My heart deflated.

"No, I'm serious. I...I feel farther away from you these days. We don't talk as much, and...I don't like it. It's scary, not having anyone to talk to."

Her words hurt more than my razors. My throat felt thick, but I didn't let is show.

"You know you can talk to your big bro," I said lightly, trying to get a laugh out of her, or at least a smile. Alice and I were twins, but I was born two minutes before her. We always made a joke of it, when we were younger.

But she didn't even smile. Her eyes stayed distant, and I wondered how much of that cheerful Alice was left inside of her. I hadn't seen that side of her in so long. Just to see a glimpse of that wonderful grin, or to hear that laughter, soft as wind chimes...

"Older bro," she repeated, and let out a sigh and turned to me. "Emmett would've kicked your ass for that one. He always sided with me."

I laughed, though hearing my lost brother's name hurt. "I know. For some reason, that goof always sided with you. He loved you a lot, Alice. More than me or Jazz combined."

Wrong thing to say. Alice bit her bottom lip, and a tear slid down her cheek. I cursed myself again for causing my sister pain. I could never do anything right, could I?

"Edward, I don't want to do this anymore," she said between her sobs. "I want to go home. I want this to all be a bad dream and when I wake up, mom will be making pancakes and dad will be whistling, and Jazz will be watching TV and Emmett will be challenging you to an arm wrestle."

I wrapped her in a hug and smoothed her hair. "Shh, shh, it's okay. Everything's okay," I whispered into her back. Her body wracked with quiet sobs and I closed my eyes in pain. It was like we were part of each other—whenever one of us felt pain, the other couldn't help but feel it too.

Minutes passed, and soon her breathing became even. Alice was asleep. I could've left, I could've gone back to my room for the night and befriended my razor again. But I didn't want to.

I wasn't going to leave Alice. I would stay with her, because that was what I did.

I never let my guard down.


	2. Lost

Sorry I haven't updated in so long! Hope you like the story so far. Maybe if you like it enough, you can review ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.

Bella

"Hey Bells," Charlie said in a gruff voice, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at my mother, standing at my side, and there was a haunting look in his eyes. Like the ghost of a memory, coming to life. I shuddered—I shouldn't have let Renee come with me, no matter how many times she insisted. What if Charlie hurt Renee again? Could I stop it? Would she want me to?

"Mom just wanted to make sure I got here safely," I explained quickly, trying to latch onto anything that might distract him. Bad idea. He finally looked at me at the word 'safely' and glared. I felt a wall come up again, another blockage in my thoughts. I couldn't let anything slip—I had to control my thoughts so they were safe.

Charlie took a step toward me, and my breathing hitched. Too close, he was too close. Renee stood stiffly behind me but said nothing.

"Bella...why don't you get yourself settled in. Go unpack your things." It was more a demand than a suggestion, but I knew better than to disobey. Slowly I left Renee and Charlie, standing a good ten feet across from each other. I nodded at her, but she didn't acknowledge me.

What else could I do? Charlie was a cop in Forks—the head cop, I think—so what escape did I have? If I reported his abuse, he'd find a way to turn the story around. He'd find a way to hurt me, or hurt Renee for telling me. I shivered and trudged upstairs.

The ride to Forks was a long and brutal one. Renee was scared of flying, so she drove me all the way from Arizona to Washington. The whole time we sat in silence, me pretending to sleep, her glaring stonily out the window. We'd passed Seattle, where I saw two boys who looked about my age. One was burly with curly hair that was a tangled mess upon his head, and the other a lean blond with dirt on his clothes. I gasped as I realized they'd been collecting water from the streets, from the rain on the road. Could they be homeless? But then they came to our car, and I panicked. Would Renee's temper explode? If those boys said one wrong word, it just might.

"Excuse me, miss," The blond one had said. His voice sounded hoarse, like he hadn't talked in a while. The burly one was in the back, watching us with intense, lost eyes. I shuddered from the intensity of his gaze.

"Yes?" Renee had ordered impatiently. I tried to warn the boy with my eyes that they should be careful, but he wasn't looking at me.

"My name's Claude, and I'm collecting donations for Saint Jude's Children's Hospital down the street. I was wondering if you'd like to share some generosity? It goes for a very good cause."

The boy looked at me then, and I noticed how worn his face looked. He needed a good rest, which was for sure, and something else...something was missing from his eyes. I couldn't pinpoint what it was. Before I could search anymore, he looked away.

"I donated last week," Renee snapped, her nostrils flaring. I bit my lip and looked away. Renee never donated to charities, or hospitals, or any place that might require her money. She used what she had for cigarettes.

"Oh," the boy said, clearly disappointed. "Well, thank you anyway. I'm glad you found a chance to donate anyway."

He was just about to leave when I called out.

"Wait!" _Wait? What are you doing?_ A voice screamed in my head. _What happened to keeping your thoughts under control?_

But he looked so sad, like he needed help. I fumbled around in my purse before handing him two crumpled twenties.

"I'd like to donate."

"Isabella! Is that my money?" Renee hissed, trying to snatch the money away. I held fast, hoping she wouldn't blow up at me in front of this stranger.

"No, Re—mom. It's mine." I said in an indifferent tone, struggling to hand the twenties to the man.

"You're not just throwing my money out like that! Give me those," her tone was ice cold. I ignored the lump in my throat as the boy took the paper.

"Thanks, ma'am." The boy said, his eyes shining in appreciation. "You have a safe drive now," he said to my mother. She spit at him and gunned the engine, cursing at me under her breath.

I was lucky—Renee didn't talk to me as we arrived in Forks. I was holding my breath, thinking she might explode with anger, but she only muttered under her breath. I didn't want to listen, so I pretended to sleep again.

Claude. What a funny name. Not funny, exactly, but...different. Something in my brain stirred—his name rang with familiarity, but I couldn't pin down what it reminded me of. Surely I'd never met anyone with that name, or I would've remembered.

I eventually did fall asleep, but somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, I remembered where I'd heard that name. It was Debussy's first name, one of my favorite French musicians. Renee introduced me to him when I was about six, and his compositions stayed with me.

What an odd name for someone of the twenty-first century. I wondered if it was really his name at all, or if he'd made it up, for some reason. Maybe he didn't want his real identity to be revealed.

I wondered why.

--

Edward

I woke in the middle of the night, groggy. Alice's head was on my shoulder, and she was still breathing peacefully. I didn't want to disturb her, but I had to get up, to go to the bathroom although my bladder was empty. I always went at night.

I carefully disentangled myself, gently placing her head on my sweater, which would pass as a pillow. She didn't stir from the movement, and I sighed, looking at her face. When she slept, all traces of anger and fear were gone, replaced by the old Alice. The Alice who would wake up and laugh, and smile at me with those exuberant eyes. How I missed that Alice.

I shut the door quietly and made my way to the bathroom.

I locked the door behind me, and sank down against it. This was the only time when I could escape, where I could safely trust that no one would disrupt me. I put my face in my hands.

How did my life come to this? How could one person endure so much? My brothers gone, my sister slowly disappearing into her own world, my life so chaotic and out of control I didn't know how to survive anymore. Sure, we had food to eat, and clothes to wear, but did it matter? My stomach had learned to live on carrots and slices of meat, and my clothes were simply props. I would've traded both just to have a chance at happiness again, where I could trust that everything would be okay. Even for a second, if some kind of trap door appeared and led me to my old life.

But this was hopeless. If I kept allowing myself to daydream like this, it would be that much worse when reality hit me in the face, as it always managed to do. My body shook and I realized I'd been sobbing quietly. It was the only time I could.

A knock tapped lightly on the door, and I froze. No one ever came at night. I quickly washed my face and tried smiling a few times, in case it was one of the little ones.

The knock came again, and I opened the door ever so slightly.

It was one of the little ones. It was Opal.

"Edwawd?" she asked, confused, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. I smiled, though it didn't reach my eyes. Opal always had trouble pronouncing her R's.

"Hey," I said softly. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Could ask you same thing," she yawned. I chuckled. Opal was a beautiful little girl, who'd been left on the sidewalk when she was a baby. Her blue eyes bore into mine. She had so much life in them, so much knowledge for such a young age. I wondered how much of this life she'd remember when she got older.

"Well, I was using the potty," I explained, still chuckling.

"Nuh uh," she argued, but came to hug me. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms.

"You never potty at night." My eyes widened. Opal was always so observant that way, and her insights often dug too deep.

I turned so she couldn't see my eyes.

"'Course I do. That's what the bathroom's for,"

"Edwawd?"

"Yes?"

She sighed. "I don't want you to weave."

"To weave?"

"No, to _leeee_ave. I want you to stay,"

I smiled at her. "I'm not going anywhere." _No matter how hard I tried._

She shook her small head. "Pwomise that when you leave, you won't forget me?"

"I'd never forget you Opal, whether I was leaving or not."

She sighed in contentment. "Pwomise."

I sighed myself. "Promise."

And then I quietly brought her back to Alice's room, sleeping in my arms. Opal's perspective had been right again, seen right through me.

I had to be exceptionally careful now.

Had she always known that I went to the bathroom at night, as my only escape? Had her little eyes seen into me and known that I'd been planning to escape this place after all?

I yawned, tired myself. I'd just have to be more careful than I already was with showing any signs of weakness. Especially in front of the kids, or with Alice.

I went back to my room and looked outside the window, at the rain. It always rained in Forks, but this was more. It was a storm brewing, and I shuddered.

"Goodnight Jasper, goodnight Emmett." I whispered, my voice disappearing with the rain.

Then I settled on my mattress, pulled the blankets over my head, and fell asleep.

Next chapter Bella and Edward's worlds collide, and the story really begins! Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed.


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